and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
why is half of my head shaved?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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