please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
