she woke up with a sticky ear
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My penis needs a shock collar
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
