Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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