Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
