I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
