I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
