How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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