I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Operation Purity has been aborted
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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