I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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