my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize