you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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