wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
