Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
