Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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