yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dick very happy bro
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
