So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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