I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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