Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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