this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
