I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
