wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize