you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
