I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize