He had one of those small greek statue penises
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
you made out with another girl for some wings
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
