a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
this will be a night to untag.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Every concussion has its silver lining
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
