We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
