I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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