Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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