was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
