dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
