We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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