HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
