i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
