Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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