Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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