are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
