Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize