I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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