I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
