I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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