I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
