Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
