Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize