hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
