the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
