Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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