I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i drank out of a bidet.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
