Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
