3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
