I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
