Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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