the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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