pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I believe in your delicious
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
