great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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