I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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