drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
