so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
