I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
