You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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