so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
