so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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