the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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