I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
