What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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