A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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