dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
