and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
