We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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