I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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