I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Panties = found
Randomize
