Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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