Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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