Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
