Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
