he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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