I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My dick has a subreddit
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
