i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
