I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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