ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
