ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
