I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
