just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
